2013/11/07 ~ My Son You Are No Failure

Failure_notSo my son who has made huge strides to get ahead in this world makes a bad decision and got very drunk to take his mental pain away. He comes in the door from drinking and is crying and saying “I’m sorry”. It beaks my heart to hear the pain in his voice and the things that he is saying about himself, his value and how he feels we and his daughter would be better off without him.

These are words you never want to hear from your child!

He has worked hard and pays child support and the court keeps this crap up about maternal instinct being so important. Then he hears how the mother spends nights with people and leaves their daughter at a babysitters when he would have loved to have had her especially when it is his day off. The mothers boyfriend has taken his daughter for the whole day and my son has a schedule of three two hours visits per week which will change to three four hour visits and one overnight per week as soon as the court finalizes it.

It is hard to understand how a system fails a father and child who wants to spend every minute with his child that he can, pays every penny required and then faces the problem of a boyfriend who is teaching my sons child to call him dad. If maternal instinct is so much more important than paternal then if the child is not with the mother and the father can take care of his child that should be the case.

My son has seen his daughter in pictures where he is reminded over and over how he does not get to ever get any of his daughters ‘firsts’. It breaks my heart to hear him say he feels like he has failed his daughter and failed his parents expectations of him. His daughter grabs him by the hand and leads him all over the house as she learns to explore her world that opened up because she learned how to walk well.

I have never in my life been disappointed with either of our boys and he certainly is not a failure in life at any point – by God he is only twenty-one. He has made some impulsive ‘know-it-all’ decisions and choices that turned out badly but that does not make him a failure – and no bad decision or choice is bad if you pick yourself up and learn something from the situation.

I can’t wait to talk to him later today – tears were in my eyes when he spoke and cried like a baby in my wife’s lap. I wish he had stopped for one moment sometime and just asked for a hug or asked for a moment which I would have gladly given him to help make him feel differently about the situation life has handed him.

As a parent I want to take all of the burden that my child must bear, to take his pain away so he feels none of the heartache he is going through. I want to rest his minds worries so he can enjoy a time in his life like what  we enjoyed with him.

 

{Copyright Jeffrey Scott Thomas – The Jibber Jabber Journal}

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